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I am finding out that it’s harder than it looks for an agoraphobe to make new friends. It really doesn’t help that I assume everyone hates me. I’ve tried explaining this to people but nobody truly understands. If I’m talking a lot, it usually means I’m uncomfortable. I know that seems backwards but hey crazy is as crazy does lol. I came from a family that talked all the time. In fact, I’m the worst interrupter I know because that was the only way to talk in my formative years! It’s the most embarrassing of my many flaws.

If I’m comfortable at your home, I can relax and let everyone else talk. I actually love getting out of my room! I just need a reason and a place I can relax. I have noticed that I get more anxious if people don’t sit. People who stand in a room when there’s somewhere to sit make me nervous. I can’t stand surprise meetings. I have to have notice of new people.

For everyone who cares, NEVER surprise me. I hate that. Don’t even try to surprise me at home. If I’m not expecting a knock, I’m not answering. Call ahead Lolz.

I love listening to people who have known each other a long time but it also makes me feel out of place. Most of the people I consider friends I have known for 5 years or less. Sometimes I run into people I haven’t seen in years and I am reminded of why we fell outta touch. Most of my friendships end because of one or both of us moving. I am very forgiving and patient so I don’t argue often.

The internet is a huge place. Finding a real friendship online isn’t the most effective way to make some friends. Even IF you find a friend, you’re not likely to meet them in the real world. I have a few people who I like to think are friends that I met only online. I met my boyfriend online. I’m not saying it can’t be done. I’m just saying that it’s not the best way.

The best way for us adults to make new friends is to get out of your home and find a few groups or clubs to join. Church is cool if you like that. I have a great church. Unitarian Universalist Church to be exact. The library used to be my preferred hangout but I have noticed that the crowd is too old for me. I’ve thought about volunteering for the animal shelter by me but my fear holds me back.

Not sure if there’s any good way for my scaredy-cat self to make a few new friends. Anybody else got an idea???? Pleeeeeeeeze???!!!???

Main Street ( a silly short story )

People sitting in mismatched chairs, cushions, couches, kitchen chairs. It stuck with you after you left. No matter the time of day, people sitting, relaxing. Beer cans, bottles, wine bottles always everywhere but you didn’t really notice anyone drinking.

You knew everyone was drunk or high simply by listening to the mismatched conversations about music, literature, food, drugs, and alcohol. Never was anyone left out, and strangers were a welcome site. They were offered a good seat and a fresh packed bowl.

Smoke was thick and bluish. Ashtrays sat everywhere and varied in size color and design. They sat on tables as people talked, laughed, smoked and drank. ALWAYS people laughing. Perhaps they were stoned but they probably woulda laughed anyway.

Its not like they were totally shitfaced 24/7! Some had jobs, but most of them just hung out with liked minded individuals or argued friendly like if they disagreed.

People came and went as they pleased. They paid for things if they could, but somehow nobody seemed to care about money. No one was sure who to pay, even if they where so inclined. Nothing seemed to belong to anyone in particular.

They stayed for a day or a couple months. In groups or alone they would leave. Sometimes they said bye but not always. They all eventually left. It was OK though, more would come to replace others.

The rooms were not what a mom would call clean but they weren’t disgusting. Every few days ( or anytime someone felt like it ) someone would go through and pick up the empty beer bottles and cans. Ashtrays emptied and clothes ( how did the socks end up in the freezer? And what’s this thong doing in with the pop tarts box!!!???? ) the slightly cleaner place had more room. Good. Cleaning seemed to be only to make more room rather than any attempt at maintaining order.

Food was bought or brought whenever they smoked. Nobody was really hungry, they just didn’t feel satisfied. Not many had jobs but in this place generosity was a given. Everyone knew.

That was thing that made it work for me. I loved it so much. You weren’t obligated to do anything. Sometimes you paid, sometimes someone else paid. Everything evened out in the end. I never kept track. This is my family, no need. People kept telling me that they took advantage, but I knew better, and besides, they kept me happy as I watched them enjoy my apartment. I’ll worry about the bills later……..

My arm is improving!!!!

Look at what I colored with gel pens for my beautiful daughter! My arm is feeling much better. Gel pens are easier to use right now than colored pencils.

 

Bracelets done for X-Mas

Coloring with my coloring apps

I like this app and….it’s free!!!!!!!!!!!

Surgery

I got the best Doc! He’s letting me do my own physical therapy!!! I hate all the appts and measurements and having them apologize that they got nothin to offer me cause I’ve done all the exercises more than them lol. I know the limits and I try to follow them as I always do. It’s nice for a Doc to trust me to do what I need to if I wanna get better. He also is trusting me not to go too fast and also that if I run into problems I will come to him right away.

I will miss the ultrasound treatment and I might ask if I can get that once a week and possibly massage treatment for my tendons ( they get inflamed too easy).

The trust is great but even better is that I know how to do some of the exercises in a more fun way. For example, Instead of the boring way of picking up skinny sticks shaped like nails, I prefer puzzles. It’s much more fun and it’s more effective for finger dexterity to work on a puzzle for 15 mins than picking up those stupid nails for a half hour. For both fingers and wrist dexterity, bracelet weaving/tying is great( although you have to watch yourself carefully not to over-due that one). Coloring increases dexterity and finger strength and as long as you stretch properly, it should not bother the wrist.

Most important no waste of time and gas going to physical therapy 3 times a week!!!!!!!! I can go at my own pace in my jammies!!!!!!!

I would NOT recommend this for anyone but me though. Physical Therapists go through schooling to learn how to help you get as much function and strength as your body will allow in a safe manner and the way your doc wants it done. They should be respected immensely. Sometimes people don’t do their physical therapy after an injury or surgery and they screw themselves up! Sometimes permanently!!

Physical Therapy is extremely important to recovery. You can’t break your leg and just wear a cast for a few months then have the cast taken off and run 10 miles immediately . You NEED physical Therapy first before you can even walk normally. And if I’ve learned one thing over the years and injuries and surgeries it’s this one thing: If you wanna have problems for life that aren’t from the initial injury, just ignore the PT’s and OT’s. If you wanna get as well as you can listen to the PT’s and OT’s (PT’s=Physical Therapist OT’s= Occupational Therapists)

 

A minor little P.S. on this: for pics of my newest scars go to my Facebook page

An Important question

Source: An Important question

Stupid *&^%$?)(%$ Surgery

Those few who actually enjoy reading my crazy rants can expect to wait for a min. I am trying so hard to prepare fore my surgery and at the same time trying my absolute best to not think about it.It takes much much medicine. I’m not sure if I’m gonna be posting more or less stupid nonsense. Depends on the pain killers and how much fun I find typing one handed. Well that’s all I can stomache about writing about the scary.

Crescent Cakes (Crazy Bitch Style )

A tasty addition to any moon ritual. They also look like easy to do cookies but I call BS on that shit! You have to grind a rather lot of almonds into a fine powder so yeah it’s complete bullshit. To be honest, maybe practice makes perfect but FUCK that shit. Last time literally took 3 fucking days and to be honest we didn’t quite finish. I know what you’re thinking but FUCK YOU! I don’t give a shit, we were utterly exhausted.

All y’all that think I’m being overly dramatic about some silly cookies…..Ask my fucking kids. All 3 of us fucking sitting at the table crushing almonds for 4 fuck hours for fuck’s sake! We even moved the tv so we could watch and work. It was like 85 with 100% humidity fucking living in that fucking stupid ass apt on the second story without fucking central fuck air! Cheap ass fuckers! Worst 2 years yet fucking fucks that ran that ratfuckhole! FUCK!

Shit sorry this is a cute post about baking the world’s cup holder of the title of most annoying cookie! Got a lil caught up there…… Deep breaths and start typing less fucks………Listen to calming music like Skrillix…… Close your eyes…… And there got rid of my inner bitch. All apologies.

Here is the recipe…… I sincerely hope you have as much fun as we did. It’s a wonderful bonding time with your kids.

Crescent Cakes

1 c Almonds ground ( I recommend an almost powder consistency)

1 1/4 c Flour

1/2 c Powdered Sugar

2 Drops Almond extract

1/2 c Soften Butter

2 Egg Yolks

Combine Almonds, flour, sugar, & Almond extract until VERY well blended. Work in butter and egg yolks. Cover and chill dough for about 2 hours. Preheat oven to 325 f. Pinch chilled dough into Walnut-sized pieces & shape into crescents. Bake 20 mins on greased or ( I recommend ) wax paper cookie sheets. Is best for Simple Feasts, especially at an esbat ritual.

Here are a few variations of this recipe.

This is how I prefer them..sprinkled with powdered sugar. Yum!

Crescent Cakes